Chibi Taters
by Taters for Tots
Summary: Ed is given his most most ridiculous mission by Roy when he is sent to a world called the Dimension of Chibi Taters to free the taterpeople of the Tater beast. Ed and Al meet a cheese alchemist along the way who helps them defeat the beast.


Chibi Taters

An FMA Epidemic

By Tatsuki Genkido

Special thanks to Hisakata Ame for the concept idea of "chibi-taters", and holy cheeses of Hell.

Edward Elric had just finished his assignment papers and was heading to report to Brigadier General Roy Mustang. As usual, Roy was sipping coffee from his mug nonchalantly.

"Fullmetal?"

"Mustang."

"Uhh, yeah...is that your TPS report?"

"_TPS report?"_

"That's what we're calling assignment papers now."

"Yes, this is my 'TPS report.' " Roy takes another drink of his coffee as he sighs in an awkward fashion.

"Yeaah...all TPS reports need to be typed..."

"No way in _hell _will you get me to redo this _whole _thing...typed!"

Roy grinned smugly and lifted a typewriter onto his desk. He turned the typewriter towards Ed.

"You better get to work, Fullmetal."

Ed angrily took the typewriter to a place he could begin typing. About a half an hour later Al came in timidly.

"Um...Nii-san?"

"Yes, Al?"

"Mustang-san told me to tell you about your next assignment..."

"Another one already!...What is it?"

"...Inspect the...dimension...of...Chibi Taters..."

"Chibi Taters? _Like potatoes? Taters!"_

"I suppose..."

"So let me get this straight...I'm inspecting a world of super-deformed _potatoes!"_

"Yes."

"I don't believe this! Who does Mustang think he's fooling?"

"See for yourself." Al held out a paper to Ed.

The sheet read:

Assignment: Investigate the dimension of Chibi Taters for the Chibi Tater beast. His one weakness, like all residents of the DOCT, is applying cheese to their potato skin. This makes them vulnerable (and down-right delicious) for edibility. Do not eat the cheesy potato beast while you're still in DOCT, or you will perish because you become a Chibi Tater when you enter DOCT. Otherwise the cheese will come in contact with your potato-system of organs, and you too will become vulnerable.

Assignee: Fullmetal

Assignment must be carried out by: March 25th.

"March 25th! _Tomorrow's _March 25th!"

"Then we better get going, huh Nii-san?"

"Yeah...as soon as I finish typing up this report."

"..._Meow!"_

"Al! Was that _you!"_

Al quickly ran out of the room. Ed sniggered to himself.

"Al's got another stray cat..."

In another half hour Ed had finished typing his report. He walked outside to where Al was petting a calico kitten.

"You ready to go Al?"

"Uh, yeah!"

"So how do we get there?"

Roy mysteriously appeared from nowhere and held out two mushrooms.

"Here, eat these."

Ed glared for a few minutes then cautiously took the mushroom.

"Um, Mustang sir, I don't eat."

"Trust me on this one. You _do _have a soul, after all."

They both consumed the mushrooms and instantly passed out.

They woke up feeling strangely...starchy.

"Al, you're a potato...metal suit...chimera-thing!"

"Nii-san! What happened?"

A little chibi tater hopped over.

"You are in DOCT, which means you two have consumed the soul mushroom. Welcome."

"DOCT?" Ed and Al questioned in unison.

"Dimension Of Chibi Taters."

"Nii-san! Those 'soul mushrooms' Mr. Mustang gave us! They worked on me because I have a soul!"

"So, do you know anything about the Chibi Tater beast?" Ed asked the DOCT resident.

"Yeah, yeah, we _all _do. He lives in the Potato Domain(P.D), up _there_."

"Thanks."

Ed and Al made their way up to the Potato Domain, and on their way they met an extraordinary Chibi Tater. He called himself the cheese alchemist.

"Then you could help us!" Ed grinned.

"Are you on your way up to the Potato Domain?"

"Yes we are."

"Sure, I could help."

When they reached the P.D they could hear the Chibi Tater beast.

Ed instinctively alchemically produced a dragon spear. He hopped awkwardly toward the beast and stuck the spear into the beast with his potato nubbies. It's giant potato body split and reassembled again.

"Nii-san! Remember his one weakness!"

Ed turned to the cheese alchemist.

"What's your name, kid?"

"Who's a kid, shorty? The name's Parmyl, the cheese alchemist!"

"DON'T CALL ME--Listen, I need you to use your cheese alchemy on the beast!"

"Right! I summon my Holy Cheeses of Hell to bring to the alchemistical equilibrium upon this beast!"

Cheese sizzled on the beast and it turned into a plate of cheesy fried potatoes, sliced.

"I can tell you and your metallic potato friend are not from here. Take the fried potatoes with you."

"Ok..."

When they returned, Ed walked into Roy's office with the plate of cheesy fried potatoes.

"Here's your damn report."

"This isn't typed."

Ed slapped Roy.

"Don't you _ever _give me an assignment like that again!"

As Ed stormed out of the room leaving the potatoes with Roy, Roy called:

"Could you get me an espresso, Fullmetal?"

"...Fine."

Roy looked at the potatoes, drew a circle and transmuted a stone spork from the floor and began eating.

owari


End file.
